I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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