It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
