I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
