i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
