I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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