Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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