my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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