My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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