He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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