No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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