I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
