I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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