Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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