Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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