break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
