Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
