i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
