Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize