the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
