And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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