No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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