Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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