we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize