Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if only i could text you this smell
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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