he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
