Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
