So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
