Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
did i walk over a car last night?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
