i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
