His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
