I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
