I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
