You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
