At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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