the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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