i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
