he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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