apparently the secret to your success is patron
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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