Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As shirtless as possible
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
