where does the pee come out of this thing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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