Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
