I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize