I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
