I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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