hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
