She announced her abortion via fbk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's like iHOP with fire
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
