You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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