If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
