i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Randomize