Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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