I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
