oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
