you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
