If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
