i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
