Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
