even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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