he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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