3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
