Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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