Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
