The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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