Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
